Why Do They Call Them "Banks"?

In his book Inferno, Dante places bankers in the inner ring of the seventh circle of hell, along with blasphemers and sodomites.  They sit in flaming sand with fiery flakes raining from the sky.  And these are your standard bankers, mind you - those who commit outright fraud are relegated to the eighth circle.  Not judging, just saying.  I'm not making this stuff up.

Oh yeah, why do they call them banks?  Because they put you on the verge of jumping in the river?  (Too cold for that today.)  After yesterday's post, Fifth Third called again as if on cue.  Wonder if they read this blog?  The call always begins with a disclaimer that it may be recorded so I asked if it was OK if I recorded too, and they said that was OK.  But I didn't actually record it - this is typed from my memory.

5/3:  Is the address of the property xxxxxxxx?

ME:  Yes.

5/3:  Is that the mailing address?

ME:  Yes.

5/3:  And do you live there?

ME:  For now.

5/3:  Do you have a cell phone number?

ME:  No.

5/3:  Work number or other alternate number?

ME:  I'm lucky to be able to talk to you on this one.

5/3:  Why's that?

ME:  Because I'm broke.

5/3:  Oh, I know how that is.

ME:  Someday you may know.

5/3:  No, really, I was unemployed for six months one time, it was terrible.  What's your occupation?

ME:  Unemployed.

5/3:  Oh, I'm sorry.  For how long?

ME:  Three years plus.

5:/3  And why haven't you been able to pay your mortgage?

ME:  Because my wife had a stroke and my job was eliminated and my unemployment benefits ran out and our business collapsed and without health insurance her health declined and we went bankrupt and now we're on welfare and I take care of her.

5/3:  What kind of work did you do?

ME:  Computer support, electronics repair.

5/3:  OH, you should go see my friend Richard, he runs The Computer Factory up by LaRosa's, you know where it is?  He said he was looking for somebody, maybe part time.  You could earn a little money for some pop or juice, maybe get your wife something she likes.

ME:  Or pay my phone bill so you can keep calling me......but thanks....Thank you for trying to help.

5/3:  Now Let's see, your file says you are on our forebearance plan and you missed your first payment which was scheduled for December 5th.  But it says, the amount was supposed to be zero.  I don't understand.

ME:  Then you can imagine how I must feel.

5/3:  Uh, yeah.  Uh, I'll put a hold on this so nobody calls you for like a week, OK?  And we'll look into this and try to get it sorted out, OK?

ME:  OK, and again, thanks for that information.

5/3:  You're welcome, I hope you find something soon and I hope your wife gets better.

It's so strange to encounter humans who are in the grip of the machine.  They offer cheerfulness and positive thinking as they tell you your job has been eliminated or that you are on the verge of being kicked out of your home.  I feel sorry for people who have to do that, far more sorry for them than for myself.